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The Rules For Being A Farm Dog

2020-08-10

It’s quite the job to be a farm dog. So many responsibilities. Dr. Melissa has observed the many farm dogs she encounters closely and come up with these important rules that all farm dogs seem to follow.

  1. Make sure to announce the arrival of any persons to the farm with loud and intimidating barking. Thus ensuring that you will ward off any potential trouble makers while also making sure that anyone within a 5 mile radius knows someone has arrived.
  2. Run alongside the arriving vehicle so close that the people inside can definitely NOT see you. This will guarantee that the vehicle slows down enough to be safe and also allow you to dart in front of the vehicle or bite at the rear tires as you see fit.
  3. Speaking of tires….as soon as that vehicle stops moving, you MUST sniff all the tires and if possible, urinate on at least one of them.
  4. Greet all humans that exit the vehicle with either cautious barking and stand-offishness or enthusiastic barking, licking and jumping up to see their face closely. How you determine your approach depends on how you feel about their clothing and if they maybe have treats.
  5. Any human that is trying to catch a horse or lead a horse definitely needs your help, no matter how much the human yells at you to stop. Those goofy horses never seem to move fast enough or in the right direction so make sure to nip at their heels and bark loudly…again do not stop even when the humans shout at you!
  6. Once all horses and humans have been adequately inspected and directed, you are free to find yummy horse poop or other farm delicacies to chew on or bring to the humans for play.
  7. On the issue of farm cats, these creatures are truly awful, as the farm dog, you must always keep track of their whereabouts and activities. Bark or rough them up as needed if they seem to be causing trouble. Do make sure to watch out for their pointy claws. If they manage to scratch you, make as big of a scene as possible so that the humans know you have been injured in the line of duty.
  8. Whenever human visitors are leaving the property make sure to escort them out in a similar fashion to how you greeted them. Excessive barking and chasing of the vehicle at a very close proximity are of utmost importance.

Not every dog can handle the rigorous task of being a farm dog. It’s a 24/7 kind of a job. Well, except of course for the required 18 hours per day of sleep. Stay strong out there farm dogs. Stay strong.

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